Fresh off of my hot platonic online relationship with a female in 2008, I sunk my claws in to the World Wide Web.
Ever since I have come close to being be self promotion queen and all our ruler of The inter webs.
I spread my wings and flew to owning fashion, beauty and etc blogs. I didn’t succeed at that so I decided to create “matt nel”. Originally I was the run who ran the train as it was a hefty job. However as the years go by, I grow. I grow and realize that the “brand” I have created, the monster, “matt nel” is very close to being unstoppable. I wake up everyday (with my depression) and contemplate deleting everything because I don’t see myself online that much, it brings me a lot of anxiety: social media is a breeding place for mini world wars and “open” relationships, both of which I’m not a fan of.
Now, you’re probably wondering why anyone who has anxiety and depression, which a sprinkle of is caused by social media, ever want to be in social media 24/7. I don’t even know. I know not many people will read this, or even know who I am, but this is my chance to stop it in its tracks before it becomes something it’s not.
I look back at the last 19,7 years of my life and notice a pattern. A pattern I need to break. It’s no that I don’t see myself as a YouTuber or writer, I just don’t see myself as this whole “brand” or monster, which makes sense in my head. So, basically what I’m trying to say is that I have decided to cease production on my talk show, youtube videos, e-poem collections as well as wiping myself off of social media. I feel as if I’m on a road to hell, or I am definitely going to end my life if I continue down the destructive path I’m going down which I continuously have to fight the voices in my head and my ego, the biggest bully. I’m not the person I wished I would be today, so this is my chance to change that.
I need release, I need to be myself and find myself. It’s not “enough” for him. But for me it is ❤️ so I thank you for all the support you’ve given me. I can’t risk losing myself over a numbers game.
Every single one of you mean a lot to me, but you mean more to my other self and that worries me. I love you, so, Until I feel fit to rejoin the infectious hot tub, we call social media: this is goodbye.