366 days ago my infamous trip to Johannesburg and Cape Town (During trials) came to and end. 366 days ago also marks the day I had to come back to reality.
Anyone who has followed me on many of the blogs I have run will know as my final year of school started my step dad passed away. I wouldn’t want to be one to blame all my misfortunes on it but I took the situation and buried myself in it. YES, I’ve never studied a day on my life BUT, I just didn’t care about school even though I thought it would be the year I did work and actually started to give a fuck. That never happened.
I flew through the year by just handing in projects on time, often not even completed as my art teacher can back up. I wrote my final maths paper without a calculator and still managed to pass that paper. (Says a lot hey).
2016. The year I was paid out by one of the plans. I, being a compulsive buyer I bought everything I could get my hands on. I even got new friends who quite frankly looking back at it weren’t my friends at all. I boxed myself in and thought I was better than everyone. I wasn’t.
2016 came to an end and everyone was heading off to college or planning some type of tertiary plans to get involved in. Not me. Part of the reason I took a trip just before trials was for a break. I was mentally exhausted. So by the time 2017 came along I was finished. I found myself feeling inferior in front of my own friends and didn’t know how to answer their parents questions like “what are you up to nowadays?” Obviously slightly judging me with all of their white privileged hypocrisy.
Even though what they asked was reasonable I still felt as if my decisions were the worst, even though most people don’t even know what they want to do after high school. They had 12pm lectures and I had 12pm trust fund meetings about selling my house that I grew up in. Without sounding like a hypocrite I really don’t think people my age should have to deal with this kind of thing.
I guess if I had to write about my gap year I wouldn’t say I did nothing. These last 8 months have been the most amazingly fucked up months of my life. I have grown, been ripped apart and shredded by my own thoughts. I have written a poetry collection that millennial don’t care for but I love, I started riding my bike for exercise and I fell in and out of love. Maybe at the same time.
I think it’s important for one to find themselves before making permanent financial decisions that impact their lives (education) even if it benefits them. I’m 19 years old. I’ve made more mistakes than anybody can list, but I’m human.
I ticked off something on my bucket list; starting up my YouTube channel : filming again whilst my nerves flew straight out of my windows.
What can I say? I can’t convince you to take a gap year. Hell I don’t even have the right to. But if you’re like me: suffer from depression, need a mental break, want to find yourself or even travel. Do it. Because once you sign up to be a doctor that’s 7+ years of your life.
in my gap year I tried/failed/completed the following things:
- YouTube channel
- Deleted Instagram
- Re-activated instagram
- Stood up for the things I believed in
- Didn’t give a crap about people’s opinions.
- Created a cosmetics company
- Shut down my cosmetics company
- Became rich
- Became poor
- Self published 2 poem collections
- Announced 2 self published e-books
- Produced, starred in and made my own short film.
- Got my first job
- Bought my first item with my own money
- Learnt the power of my own thoughts
- Shaved my hair off
- shaved my eyebrows off
What will you do on your gap year? It doesn’t matter.
I’m turning 20 this year. I’m No longer a teenager. I have a long life in front of me but I can confidently say that if I got through this year I can get through anything. That’s what a gap year is all about. Having a gap year doesn’t make you different or stupid. Your friends nor your parents should let you feel that way. It’s your body/mind.