K I S S I N G. According to Happy Worker “A kiss can contain up to 278 of different bacteria, 95% of which are non-dangerous”. So Let’s just say that I don’t do a lot of that, I’ll blame it on the bacteria…
I’ve been kissed a few hundred times (minus a few hundred), and out of those few hundred only ONE was the best thing ever. I’ve always wondered “What does it take to make it a “good kiss”?” So I did my basic white girl research and came across numerous articles about how to tell if YOU’RE a bad kisser, So naturally I shift the blame to others, SO, below is a compilation of ways to tell if he’s a bad kisser. DISCLAIMER- This is an OP-ED.
- DRUGGIE EYES: When he kisses you but also looks like he’s on flakka. He’s probably going to freak you out and be a bad kisser. It’s vital to be in the moment and embrace your lover/grindr/wife/husband/side chick. Close HIS eyes.
- BAD BREATH: Personal hygiene is something I take very seriously. “One little kiss burns up to 3 calories. The longer the kiss…the better the exercise!”. HOWEVER, please assure your lover/grindr/wife/husband/side chick refreshes his/her/their mouth with LISTERINE® before you kiss. An added tip would be if you’re on a date, don’t eat spicy / garlic(y) food before hand if you know it’s going to lead to something a little more saucy.. Pun Intended.
- SERPENT: I love french kissing more than bulimia.. BUT there’s no need for him to get all up in your grill with the chamber of secrets. If you kiss 10 times. Tongue should only be used 3-5 times out of 10. Just my opinion though.
- PUCKER UP BAD BOY: The only people that pucker up when kissing are old people (70+) or the people in highly unrealistic movies that you walk out of in the end and ask yourself “why?”.
- HE SUCKS: Similar to being a serpent, a lover/grindr/wife/husband/side chick should never suck your face off when kissing you. There isn’t a second G-spot on your face/ There’s no race either. Tell him to take his time.
- HE MISSES YOUR MOUTH: I love hickies, being kissed on my neck, face and ears… and etc. There’s a time and place for everything, yet I don’t think any of us are actually getting any younger…
- TOO ROUGH: There’s 4PLAY then there’s someone who loves to act as if his mouth and tongue are members of the A Team. If he doesn’t respect your space and desires, he’s a bad kisser. OR lover/grindr/wife/husband/side chick.
- LET IT GO (LET HIM GO): Ever wondered why some lovers/Grindrs/wives/husbands/side chicks freeze like a cat licking a pop sickle? It can get awkward faster than if Bill Cosby was hired to do stand up at a kid’s birthday party. Similar to druggie eyes, he/she/etc just stands or lays there frozen without saying a thing and most importantly not kissing you. It’s evident that he/she/etc doesn’t actually know how to kiss you OR some bizarre reason he’ll presumably tell you whilst talking about his mom and or religion.